10th February 1998

Okay, this is a journal entry about what-ifs, nothing really about reality. For now, let's get out of reality please, and think about what ifs.

First of all. What if I hadn't been born? Hmm. No KCI. No Lauren. No annoying person. No nosy person. And the world would be a better place. Hehehe....

Then, what if I hadn't chosen to make KCI? Would there be another penpal club made by kids as big as KCI? And.....what would I be if I didn't meet my dear, sweet, loyal, kind, cool, awesome, ummm....what else....friends (hehe, okay, I'm sucking up)? And what if I didn't meet Casey?

Okay, let's say that I decided to leave KCI. Let's also say I deleted guiltless, blameless, faultless. It's like the 'Net's never heard of me. I get a new provider, so that would mean, new e-mail, new IP, etc. In other words, I would start from scratch. Of course, I would also change my name so that no one would know me. I would join KCI, of course, use my false name then go to #kci and befriend everyone there. I would be an ordinary member, no job, no place in WKN, no high position, nuttin. I would be a new girl, totally clueless, ignorant and curious about the 'Net. Oh yeah, and I wouldn't have the slightest clue what HTML is.

That would be....ummm....the word to describe it...ummm......(I'm not good at describing things, aren't I?)....hard to do. And if I did that, my friends could at least miss me....hehe, as if! So yeah...maybe I should do it....it would be an experience.

But right now, I can't leave the 'Net, because of KCI. It's a responsibility, it's like the President of the Philippines just walking away from our country. Tsk tsk. But sometimes, I feel like I wanna take a vacation from the 'Net. A long vacation, for a couple of weeks. And on those weeks, while I have nothing to do, I would just stare at the computer, pretending I'm in a chat where no one's really talking. What a life I would have.

Okay...I think I've made up my mind (okay, once again, I'm not making any sense but hey, I'm fickle-minded). I am not gonna leave the 'Net. Ya know why? Because of *ahem*, certain people. Like umm....uhhh.....Martin! Certain people like him. Well, there was a time, that Marty and I weren't writing or talking for 6 months. And according to him, on those six months, I was really strange, like I just stepped out of Mars. He said I treated him like um...a customer. I wasn't mean but not friendly either. He also said that he got depressed and always thought of me (aww, how sweet, remind me to give you chocolates this Valentine's day, Marty). After not talking with him for so long, he thought I wasn't the same Lauren when I became friendly to him again. He says he likes me better now because I am my usual, umm (geez, I always say "umm, do I?) friendly, witty, funny self.

So, people who are reading this, why did I treat Marty this way? Why why why why why why? First of all, he was supposed to be an area manager. But he backed out. Hehe. Then he stopped writing. I thought that he was like other keypals who would send me an avalanche of mail but after that, not a drop. So I stopped writing too. And at that time, I kind of forgot about him and I thought he forgot about me too. Hehe, NOT. We became friends again coz we got umm (here we go again, umm) reunited using ICQ and IRC. That reunion lasted for 3 hours just yakking and yakking. Oh yeah, and there's this minor detail. He said he doesn't like girls (HAHAHA. yeah right, Marty) but then one time, he admitted that he liked this girl in the fourth grade. He also admitted that he lied. Off to the confession box, my dear Marty.

Martin says that he and Casey clash and that leads to arguments which I just sit down and watch. Well, I think Martin's wrong. Casey and Martin are so alike in another way, in fact, they're so alike, they clash. Get me? I bet you don't. Good. You're not supposed to get me. This is a senseless journal. Anyway, Casey and I also have our little umm...disagreements that leads to several days of total silence. But...we're so close we don't even have to say "sorry" after a fight coz we know we forgave each other already. And there are also certain people that would say when I tell them that Casey finished our argument, "I knew you would go back with him sooner or later." Oh yeah and we're also psychic. I never had a psychic friend and having one is really cool coz I know what he's thinking but I just wait for him to type it out.

Well, I guess my friends right now would be my friends for a long time. Even if we fight or stop writing, we won't exactly break apart, because we've been together for a long time and it's hard to just suddenly forget about our good times and end the friendship just like that.