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Date: January 24, 2000 Time: 5:04 p.m. Title: All the small things Mood: discouraged Quote: "It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back." -Mick Jagger Today sucked. I thought today would be fun because lots of good things happened during the first hour of my day but the rest was just blah. A few good things that happened: the 45-item quiz in math was a piece of cake, our Steno teacher was absent, and we only had three of our classes cause the rest of the time was consumed by cheerleading rehearsals (more on that later). First bad thing that happened: I saw CK this morning. That's why I felt so happy; it was such a rare treat to see him so early like that. But a few minutes later, my joy turned to depression when he started getting all mushy-mushy with his stupid girlfriend, Isobel. Right in front of my fricking face. It broke my heart into a million pieces, I swear. But hey. People have been telling my from the start that I didn't have a chance with him. He's a senior for godsakes. And he and Isobel have been going out since the fourth grade (I wonder if that's true). What can a measly little freshman like me do about it? Nothing. Second bad thing that happened: cheerleading practice was a total waste of time. We had like, more than three hours alloted for it and absolutely nothing happened. Really. We tried doing pyramids but the girls Angela chose for the pyramid kept going like, "Oh my god, it really, really hurts!" and "I can't do it, I swear. It's too scary!" Bullshit like that. Honestly. Isn't there a single tough person in the squad? I kept volunteering to be at the bottom of the pyramid just to shut them up but Angela positively ignored because the girls she chose were the girls who are good at dancing. F*** her. What's dancing gotta do with pyramid-making, huh? Since we were obviously getting nowhere with pyramid-making, we decided to work on the one measly song we had accomplished, and got nowhere with that too. Others simply refused to follow because, "Eww, the grass is so dirty, do we really have to touch that?" Give me a f****** break! In cheerleading, you're supposed to get dirty! No matter how damn cute your costume is, you're still gonna get stepped over. No matter how clean your hands are, you're gonna get it dirty! How else are you supposed to perform your stunts, huh? Okay, maybe I don't have the right to say all this because I have absolutely zero experience with being a cheerleader. But these girls were all acting like chicken-wusses, it made me sick to my stomach. Whatsmore, we all agreed that those who didn't show up last Saturday would be kicked out of the squad. But these three popular girls who did not show up and who are sooooo fickle were let in the squad. Is that supposed to be fair? Is that supposed to be TEAMWORK? So I've made up my mind: I'm quitting the team. I don't have time for all the bullshit they're doing. We'll probably get humiliated in front of the whole school anyways. This has happened tons of times during the school year, and before each competition I thought of joining but I'm glad I didn't cause those who joined are totally, absolutely humiliated after each defeat. I swear, the freshmen batch has to be the worst batch the school ever had. Last year's freshmen batch won at least twice. I swear, can't we just have tryouts or something so those who are truly willing to sacrifice stuff could join? Those stupid popular girls think they can just get into anything because they're popular but they really suck at everything. The very day of the cheerleading competition was supposed to be the outing for Stephen's birthday but he moved it to the Saturday after that because of me. Well, that was really nice of him. But hey, since I'm absolutely totally free that Saturday (and the following Saturdays before that), might as well tell him to move it back. And anyway, there's school. Gotta work hard in order to get that cellphone. This is so sucky. I've got a big bruise on my left knee just because of that stupid cheerleading thing. What the hell was I thinking when I said I really, really wanted to join? Third sucky thing that happened: no e-mails. No text messages. Geez. Feels like the earth has opened up and swallowed me whole, and no one seems to notice or care. As a matter of fact I wish it would. I feel so lousy. p.s. Right after I uploaded my entry, Derek sent me an email which I want to share with you because I appreciate all the times he was there for me even if I've been a bitch some times. Thanks Derek. <<< ~ sign ~ archives ~ >>>
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