I really miss Michelle. I can't wait for the play to be over (it's showing Friday night) so I can see her regularly again. Rehearsals take up so much of her time! She's the only person who I'm close to in the barkada. It used to be Kristel but since she became all big-headed about being in the play and everything, she has become very annoying. Not only that, but she started telling other people the secrets Michelle and I tell her, which is why I only have Michelle to confide in now.

So today, I hung out with the other people in the barkada: Angelica, Denilou, Maricris and this other girl, Mary Kaye. And my god, they're almost as annoying as Kristel is, except for Mary Kaye. See, Angelica, Denilou and Marcris have crushes in school. On the jock-type people. And we've done nothing but follow their crushes all day like demented stalkers. I had such a terrible time. Look at me, I only see CK like, every once in a while and not only that but I may never see him again since he's leaving for college next year. Do I follow him around like they do? No! Those three have the whole of this school year and next school year to see their damn crushes so why are they acting like they'll never see them again? Ugh, if today was terrible, I bet tomorrow will be hell. I'll probably hear nothing but airheaded girly conversation about their stupid crushes. And since it's the school fair tomorrow, we'll probably be stalking their crushes again instead of enjoying the fair (not that it's as better as last year's). And to think it will be like that the rest of the year! I think I'm getting a headache. Hopefully, Michelle and I will be classmates next year. It'll lessen the agony a bit.

Speaking of crushes, something happened last night that did not improve my bad mood. It should've made me flattered or something but instead, it downright freaked me out. See, Matt (Stephen's friend) texted me last night and I swear to god, I almost fainted when I read it. It's probably no big deal but it sure scared me a lot. All right, I'll get to the damn point. This is the text message from Matt: "You know what, Stephen warned all the boys invited to his party that no one should get close to you. Hehehe. You know what, this means Stephen likes you." I told him, "That's just a rumor. It's not true." But Matt texted back and said that Stephen was spreading it all over school that he liked me.

So why am I making such a damn big deal out of this? Well, I guess it's okay for people to like me that way, but not when they're my friends. (I'm talking about my real life guy friends because I've had crushes on my internet friends which doesn't count because I don't see them everyday). It's just so....weird. I mean, you don't know if they made friends with you just because they had a crush on you. And what if they lose their crush on you, will they still be your friend? Or if you don't like them that way, will your friend dump you? It's so sad. I'm not saying I believe Matt totally. I mean, I only know him through texting. But suppose it's true, then now I know why Alex isn't as friendly to me like she was before. I mean, if your friends talk about their crushes all the time, won't you start hating their crushes too? Maybe it's like that cause that's how I feel towards my friend's crushes, the ones I mentioned earlier. I feel like tearing them to pieces so that my friends could finally shut up. I hope what Matt said isn't true, otherwise I'll never hear the end of it.

I don't like this feeling that I am about to lose another best friend because of this. Not again! Now , I know how someone felt when I was crushing/loving him that way and he didn't feel the same . What an idiot I am. I've learned that you should never tell your friend that you have a crush on them because it really ruins the friendship. I wonder if he'll ever call again. No, I don't regret loving but I regret admitting it. Why am I too honest? I hate myself. I hope he'll forgive me for loving him.

Speaking of true love, someone signed my guestbook ( entry 135 ) and talked about her boyfriend's sister who died 11 days ago and how her boyfriend is so devastated . He visits her grave everyday to talk to her and send her flowers. I find that so sad. Life's so unfair when it comes to true love.

Ugh, I don't feel like going to the school fair tomorrow. I know it's supposed to be a major event but the rides suck, and the rides are the only thing everyone looks forward to. Without it, the fair will be a major dud. There isn't even an arcade! Maybe I'll go tomorrow just so I could attend the damn cheering competition, but I'll try not to on Friday. I'll just go back to school so I could see the play. Or maybe I'll just stay until ten a.m. and then leave so I can spend a peaceful afternoon alone by myself.