Ooh, the 169th entry on Valentine's Day. I wonder if it's a good sign or what.

Gosh, how I hate Valentine's Day. My day started off with the ending of Final Fantasy VIII playing in my head. The song Eyes on Me was stuck in my head too. Now, I really love the ending and the song, but for some reason, just thinking about it made me feel so blue. I mean, FF8 is a love story. And love stories make me feel depressed. Well, not exactly depressed. They make me...long for someone. And the longing for that someone makes me blue. Freaky, huh?

Dyancel hugged me the moment I got in the classroom, which cheered me up lots. We start talking about some stuff and then she says, "I wish I was taking part in today's worship" since my class was going to head the worship for the whole school. Worship is something like a sort-of mass in my school, except there's no priest and it's just us students doing it. And I go, "Shit, that reminds me. I'm supposed to read the gospel today!" So there I was, freaking out in the classroom, totally clueless about what today's gospel would be when Heather, a friend of Glyka's, told me she could help me get today's gospel. I was surprised that she'd actually offered to help since I think she's a snob. I thanked her about a million times after that.

I think I did pretty well in reading the gospel today. Lots of people, including my barkada, complimented me after the worship, saying that I sounded good and all that stuff. I hung out with my friends after the worship for awhile and I was very happy, that is, until Homeroom came. For Homeroom, we were to make valentines for the people in my school then give them at recess time. I made some for my friends, but then at the last minute, I decided not to give them because my handwriting was like crap and I wrote it on notebook paper. It's kind of embarassing to give correction fluid covered, notebook paper valentines so I threw them out. Except for the letter I wrote for Michelle but it was more of a friendly letter so I guess that doesn't count as a valentine. Gosh, I felt like the Ebeneezer Scrooge of Valentine's Day when recess came. Of course, I didn't expect to get any valentines but I did. Lots of them. I even got one from Annie, which surprised me because we haven't been talking in a while. It depressed me. I mean, I'm really grateful that lots of people thought of writing me, but I felt bad that I wasn't able to write them back. I know, I know, I'm weird, I know.

I planned on buying some roses for Stephen, Alex and Chris later but I am out of cash. That's no miracle. Oh, what the hell. I'll just treat today like any ordinary day. I won't give roses or any of that crap. I am the Ebeneezer Scrooge of Valentine's Day and nothing's gonna change that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go wash my face.

I just got back from Math tutor an hour ago and man, is this a pissy day. But before I tell you about my totally horrible day, let me give you a brief history about Yam. I met her through my diary last month and the way we met was pretty cool. See, that time, I was whining about wanting JNCO to come to the Philippines, and the next day, she wrote me an e-mail saying that she was into JNCO, Harry Potter books, and the book Girl by Blake Nelson just like me. Cool. I've never met anyone in the Philippines who liked, or even knew, Harry Potter. And the other coincidence was, she's also a sophomore in Stephen's school, and she knows who he is. Cool, huh? Anyway, here's the thing: she told me she knows a place where I could get JNCO and she said that we should go shopping in that place one of these days. And that would be our secret.

Around last week, I asked her when we would be able to go shopping and I suggested the 26th of February. She agreed. This will be our first meeting in real life. Today, before I went to Math tutor, Stephen called me and said he had a letter from Yam for me. That instantly cheered me up, as I was in a semi-grouchy mood. He said he read it though, but I didn't mind much because if it was confidential, she would've embalmed the letter in Scotch tape or something. Anyway, I went to math tutor, he gave me the letter and I read it. In the letter, she wrote that she wouldn't be able to make it on the 26th because of some school activity and asked if we could go shopping on the 10th of March instead. After I read the letter, he says in a pouty face, "I can't believe you're going shopping without me." I say, "Well, yeah, I am." Then he says, "What are you going shopping for?" I go, "Jeans. Girly stuff." I knew that his next question would be "Can I come?", which is why I said we were shopping for girly stuff. I know he hates girly stuff, and I thought that saying that would make him lose his hopes of coming with us. It didn't. "Can I come? Please?" he asked me, and the stupid moron in me said, "Yes." Automatically. Without even processing the goddamn question. Boy, am I a moron.

And then Alex goes, "What are you guys talking about? What shopping trip?" Then Stephen said, "Lauryn's going shopping with a girl in my school and you, me and Chris are going with them." He hadn't even asked my goddamn permission if Chris and Alex could go with us! I mean, I probably would've said yes, as I am a moron, but the thing was he didn't even ask me.

Now this is the thing. Why the hell would Stephen want to go "girly shopping" with me? I don't even ask him if I can go with him to his gimmicks! I wait to be invited and if he won't invite me, then I don't care! And why would he want to bring the entire non-girly gang with us? Shopping? They'll probably get bored out of their non-girly skulls! And when they get bored out of their non-girly skulls, I will feel very much responsible because I was the one who allowed them to come with us. And the thing is, Alex hates me and who wants to be around a person who hates them? She'll probably just irritate me a lot, which will make me bitchy, which will ruin the entire shopping trip. God, I am a moron. So I e-mailed Yam awhile ago, thanking her for the letter, and explaining to her about my sticky situation. I also asked if we could move the date to another day and tell Stephen that the March 10 plan is off so we can shop in peace.

Lesson of the story: when someone asks you a question, think carefully for an hour before answering, or you might regret your answer. I mean it.