The Diary of Claire Danes

I'm, like, losing my mind or on the verge of a nervous breakdown or something. I have to call my agent, I've been in this hell-hole for nearly three months and it is just sseeeewww hard. This place just (expletive deleted) smells of cockroaches, I could just gag. I feel like throwing up, except that I already threw up--it's so frustrating out here, I actually ate something. Really. At lunch time I ate one-fifth of a doughnut and I was so appalled. I mean, what was I thinking?

There is no sewage system in Manila and people have nothing here. People with, like, no arms, no legs, no eyes, no teeth. It's so unbelievably gross, I could scream. In fact, I will scream. Aaaaah!

Today, we shot in a real loony bin, and it was seeww (expletive deleted) bizarre. We'd be in the middle of a scene and the take would be interrupted by wailing women--like "Cut! Screaming person." Hell, don't these people know we're making a Hollywood film? Why don't they feed these nuts tranquilizers or something? Obviously these hicks have no idea how much it costs to shoot a movie.

These people are seeeww uncivilized, you cannot believe how ignorant they are. I mean, there are pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio everywhere you look, and not a single one of me. Duh, who do they think played Juliet, Leo in a dress? Everyone makes a fuss over Bill Pullman, and he's like, old. They're all gaga over Lou Diamond Philips because he was born here or something so he's one of them. I'm like, hello, don't you know who I am? I'm one of the biggest young female star in Hollywood. I used to date Matt Damon. Now he's dating my dear friend Winona Ryder who was my costar in Little Women. I am seeeww happy for them, I'm like delirious with you. OKay, she has breasts, but her last films have been flops while my movies have been hits. I'm the Meryl Streep-Jodie Foster of my generation, and I'm even going to Yale, just like Meryl, Jodie and Jennifer Beals.

There are rats everywhere in Manila and the whole place reeks of disease. I know all about stench, like, I'm from New York, I had to take the subway and stuff, carrying a backpack that weighed, like, forty pounds. The subway smelled like urine and there were so many stairs. I know all about suffering, but this shoot is like, my crash course in third world misery. It's my Outward Bound-style rude awakening. I have totally tested myself. I wanted to see if I could survive the worst and I have. I didn't have to do it in such a harsh way but I am being very dramatic.

I thought I could bond with Kate Beckinsale, who plays my best friend inthe movie . After all, we're both veterans of Shakespeare. I did Romeo and Juliet and she was in the one directed by that Kenneth guy, Much Ado about Something or somethig. But she doesn't seem too eager to hang out with me, I guess she's insecure because I am a much bigget star that she is. If she wants to spend her time reading , like , books, fine.

I had all these defenses up during filming, but these last few days I've started to crumble. I was on the phone with my boyfriend Ben- Ben Lee, the singer-songwriter?- at four in the morning, and I saw a cockroach on the wall. Then I saw another one crawling toward me, and I just strted screaming like a maniac. I was afraid to move. And Ben was, like ,"Just turn ont he lights". Finally, after half an hour of discussing the situation, I went screaming into the bedroom and turned on every light and ran back panting, "I did it, I did it" I was so afraid. I was going to have the hotel staff turn the lights on for me, but I braved it. I didn't sleep the entire night.