this (not so) little girl

Everybody's excited about Christmas. My friends are making New Year's Resolutions already. The main resolution I would want to make is to stop pretending. I pretend a lot. I pretend I'm a girl from Beverly Hills. Or I was a lonely ghost, searching the world for a new friend. And there are sometimes when I pretend I'm the world's best writer, but I guess I'll shake that thing off. I pretend in the chatrooms on the Net. But there should be one reason why I'm pretending, right? So I'm gonna say it.

The reason why I'm pretending is because of my being a writer business. I pretend because I want to mix in. Let's say, my story is about a girl who had a horrible sister who played mean jokes on her. So I pretend to be that girl to know how she feels and when I do that, I know exactly what I'm going to type. I guess this might be a little too complicated but what's a journal for, right?

1. Stop that pretending business. Sometimes I feel dumb when I pretend and sometimes I don't like it. Sometimes I like it too. It makes me feel like I'm a different person. It's all too personal so I'm not going to write it here.

2. Improve my writing. I mean, I think I'm a great writer. But I guess my stories would need more. Know what I'm saying?

3. I've really got this bad habbit of mine *blush*. I keep biting my nails. I want to stop but I can't. Duh. I know it's stupid and childish.

4. Stop acting as if I'm older!!! That's one of my problems too. I pretend I'm 17 or something. Anything to shake off the feeling that I'm 10. I hate being 10. I don't like being 10. 10 is a childish age for me. You're always being regarded as childish and weird. But this is one thing that I keep in mind: I'm an extraordinary 10 year old. No, I'm not bragging about this fact but how many 10 year olds write? I know a lot of teens that are my friends who write but 10? Well, I guess I was just a born writer. I've been writing since I was four and can't stop.

5. Do something about my hair and face! Sometimes, I don't think I'm pretty enough or my hair always flies to Mars (my expression) so I really have to do something. Especially that face. I can even take plastic surgery if I'm really tired of cleaning that annoying oily face!

*sigh* I guess I'm getting tired. It's late at night and I am bushed. I'm sick (ugh!) just like last Christmas! Darn. I always get sick before Christmas. If I find out whoever gives me this sickness, I swear I'm gonna pound him grrrrr (Just my little twisted sense of humor.).

Darn. It's the day before Christmas Eve and my annoying asthma attack is still here. I hope I don't get confined to the hospital like last year. I wasn't really confined, just almost. I hope I get well and I hope that I'll get a lot of sleep because I'm usually sleepy-eyed during our Christmas dinner and I hate that because I know I will look stupid if someone tries to take a picture of me. And I sleep like one am every night and I wake up soooooo early, I'm bound to get crabby.

You know, I'm thinking of starting my own spy route, just like Harriet. But there is one big problem. There is just no action in our street. I mean, I could go around the village IF there is someone watching me (ugh!) and partly, I'm scared to be kidnapped. If I'm gonna spy, I'll have to find a way on how to sneak out of the house unnoticed and then sneak back in.

I remember something that my sister told me. She said that if I go to midnight mass starting the Christmas season, my wish will come true. I'm not sure what my wish will be.

While I'm typing this, I'm nebulizing. That's a machine that some people who have serious asthma attacks use. Before this, my e-mail pal, Alexandra called me on the phone. She's from the Philippines but she's now living in Malaysia. She travels a lot. We talked about ballet and stuff. She told me she was studying in British system. I find her lucky. I want to study in a British system but I know that would be kinda expensive. And there is NO WAY my parents would let me study in a British system.

Finally....the moment I've been waiting for. It's already 8:00 and my mom and dad will soon pick my grandparents up. Then we will go to Midnight Mass and eat our Christmas dinner. And we get to open one present. Oh yeah, might as well sleep in the couch tonight so I can catch that Santa guy!

This morning, I was surprised to see a big cage in our living room with two very cute bunnies in it! The bunnies came from Santa, no kidding. The bunnies are black and white. Mine is the black one since I find it my type. My sister named her Black Beauty. (For the curious, I didn't catch Santa but my sister always wakes up early in the morning to see if he's there.)

I opened some more presents from my mom, another gift from Santa (a watch) and gifts from the maids (they can be thoughtfull too). And we went to our grandparents for lunch and opened more presents.

My two boy cousins, Anthony and Christopher are supposed to be coming to our house today but I don't know what happened to them. *sob sob*

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. my first journal entry.